My Winding Facebook Journey

For a while now I've been pondering Facebook and what it means to me (kind of the same way I feel about Costco).  I've been on Facebook (FB) about 3 years now, give or take a few days.  My initial thought was that it is its own entity, having a life all its own.  Like something you'd find in the old Star Trek shows.  It's quite a phenomenon really.  My next step has been figuring out what I want it to be in my life, how to best utilize it and how to keep it in its proper place.  That has been changing with each day, especially recently.

I avoided FB for months after it started growing, all on its own, honestly, it scared me and rightfully so.  I had no idea what I was getting into the day I decided to open a FB page.  Why did "they" need to know so much about me?  Much of my time on FB has been like traveling down a winding road never sure what's going to be around the corner, sometimes nothing, sometimes a huge train wreck, recently a breath of fresh air and freedom.  It's all in learning how to use it and not letting it use you.

After filling out all my information I sat back and waited to see what would happen, I mean I had no idea what I was doing.  I had opened a MySpace page the year before but that was pretty manageable, I really only ended up hearing from a lot of my old musician friends from my days in Hollywood, a semi-fun walk down memory lane, and also some people I already had mild contact with, but none of the people who I had daily contact with.  I felt that God was wanting me to begin to understand this "other world", but to what purpose?

So, as I said, I sat back and waited...for all of about 5 minutes.  This was some crazy world I just stepped into!  All of a sudden I was bombarded with several hundred people who I "might know" and many others who, unfortunately, I did know...at one point or another.  My past was slowly encroaching on my present, no longer neatly packaged up and put in its proper place...yuck.  My next step?  Well, I know what it should have been, but that & what I did were two different things...

In my head: "Oh, wow, it's so-and-so.  Yeah, that was a long time ago, I can be their friend.  Oh look, the whole congregations from the churches I used to go to but when I left no one cared enough to call.  Sure, let bygones be bygones, I can be their friend, too. Etc. Etc..."

I mean, really, who did I think I was...Wonder Woman?  You betcha.  And along with all the old long-forgotten were also old foundational friends, current semi-acquaintances and in the mix of everyone, a whole lot of people who obviously never knew me at all and certainly didn't know me now, but hey, this was all about being "friends", right?

At this point, I need to explain something about myself.  While growing up I was very shy and insecure and in turn was bullied constantly in my elementary years. I had hoped when we moved to the country when I was 9 that it would be better, but it wasn't, just more psychological.  Up to that time the worst I had experienced was when I was in 2nd grade. I was walking home from school and heard some kids coming up behind me. When I turned and saw who it was I started running, but just like in all the movies, they were bigger & faster.  The next thing I knew they were throwing my papers all over the road and I was at the mercy of the one who had hold of my arm and was spinning me round and round, building up speed until he finally let go and I found myself swiftly and painfully tumbling across the asphalt of my street.  It's true what they say, most accidents happen within a block of your home.

So this, along with a fairly chaotic home life, left me with little coherent life logic.  I lived on pure emotion and along the way left quite a wake behind me.  So here I was on FB, suddenly facing so many neatly stored emotional packages that were being opened back up.  There were people thinking they had some sort of authority over me, continually correcting me in my thoughts & musings; childhood friends who thought they knew me then but certainly didn't know me now; friends who I had pushed away but did know me and loved me anyway; others who in my own chaotic emotional instability I had hurt either purposefully or unknowingly.  These offered me the opportunity to apologize honestly from my heart and ask for forgiveness and they have been so very willing to do so, an opportunity I may not have ever had without FB; and friends who were astounded to find that along life's way I had chosen to walk with Christ on a journey to find out who I was created to be and then they in turn either decided we were no longer friends, have chosen to "hide" me from their page, tolerate me while biting on a silver bullet or are truly interested to find out who I am and form a friendship accordingly.  I have to say though too, I have done my share of removing "friends" over the past few years, nothing personal, it's just that it doesn't benefit either one of us, but I wish you well.  What a trip FB has been!

Over this past year I've taken a few steps back and have just watched people while keeping fairly regular contact with the few I truly am drawn to and mild contact with a few I truly love no matter what, but recently I'm being linked to a whole new group of friends who don't know me at all.  They have never met me, yet we have a commonality that supersedes the flesh; pursuing the freedom of God, leaving religion behind, encouraging each to follow the promptings of the Spirit and pursue the longings the Spirit has placed in our hearts.  And another thing that's so awesome about my new group of friends is that I get to bring along some of my everyday friends who have been linked with me on this pursuit for many years now.  It's so fun                 sharing this journey with people that I love!

So, it's true, FB is what you make it.  Although it does seem like it's own entity sometimes, it's not.  FB is a tool, it provides an opportunity to have contact with people we never would have had contact with otherwise, old & new.  It's really a fabulous thing, allowing new doors to open and the opportunity to close others...sometimes with great relief.  In this day and age of the all-knowing social media, it's just a matter of keeping everything in perspective, sharing wisely and respecting others, all the while knowing you might be surprised by what's around the next corner, and it's not always something bad.  It's just part of the journey.